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ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
I got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
I always pronounce one word wrong. Wrong.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
I don't file my nails. I prefer to throw them away.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
Pigs shouldn't drive. They always hog the road.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
Did you hear about the witch that went into the desert? She was having a dry spell.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
I avoid highways in winter. I don't like getting the cold shoulder.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? An investigator.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
A dinosaur was in a car accident. It was a tyrannosaurus wrecks.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
My dog sat down on a piece of sandpaper. It was ruff.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
I avoid hanging out with pigs. They're a boar.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
What's stranger than seeing a catfish? Watching a fish bowl.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
Did you hear about the polite clown? It was a nice jester.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they bonded.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
I got help for my ATM addiction, but went through withdrawals first.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
Two walkie talkies got married. I hear the reception was amazing.
ACTUALLY FUNNY BAD JOKES
I bought an automatic shovel. It's groundbreaking.
Alright, now, I know it's not Halloween, but, next, I am gonna share some scary one-liner stories. Be prepared.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
I've been living with the love of my life for 5 years now, I think it's more than enough time to finally introduce myself.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
The existence of the uncanny valley suggests that in the past, our survival instincts had a reason to be afraid of something that looked human, but wasn't.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
It actually really bothers me when people call black girls ‘chocolate’, and white girls ‘vanilla’ because neither taste any different than pork.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
I just saw my reflection blink.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
They say cats have 9 lives, but I swear I’ve buried him at least 11 times.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
They celebrated the first successful cryogenic freezing. He had no way of letting them know he was still conscious.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
I’m watching my girlfriend through the window. I wonder how much longer I need to keep the oven on.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
They delivered the mannequins in bubble wrap. From the main room I begin to hear popping.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
To cure my sister's insomnia, I helped her sleep forever.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
To the girl who keeps pounding on my door at night. I’m not letting you out.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I swear I live alone.
SCARY ONE-LINERS
Quarantined... Without toilet paper.