New on LowEndTalk? Please Register and read our Community Rules.
All new Registrations are manually reviewed and approved, so a short delay after registration may occur before your account becomes active.
All new Registrations are manually reviewed and approved, so a short delay after registration may occur before your account becomes active.
REAL DEALS HERE -- WIN BIG WITH THOUSANDS IN PRIZES + RackNerd's NEW YEAR OFFERS! (New Year 2024)
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
DAD JOKES
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
DAD JOKES
I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.
DAD JOKES
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
DAD JOKES
Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.
DAD JOKES
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
DAD JOKES
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
DAD JOKES
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”
DAD JOKES
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows.
DAD JOKES
I just applied for a job down at the diner. I told them I really bring a lot to the table.
DAD JOKES
"Cop: I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia." Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
DAD JOKES
My friend couldn't afford to pay his bill, so I sent him a "Get Well Soon" card.
DAD JOKES
I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
DAD JOKES
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020? Because they had a fight and 2021.
DAD JOKES
Did you hear Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his songs? What’s he going to change next—his hair? His clothes? His face?
DAD JOKES
This year’s Fibonacci convention is going to be really special. Apparently it’s as big as the last two put together.
DAD JOKES
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
DAD JOKES
I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help.
DAD JOKES
In 2017 I didn't do a marathon. I didn't do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. This is a running joke.
One in ten people live on an island.
It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
DAD JOKES
Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.
DAD JOKES
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
DAD JOKES
If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
DAD JOKES
My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. "Sure," I said. "My door is always open."
DAD JOKES
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale. "No," I said. "It's to look at."
DAD JOKES
What has five toes and isn't your foot? My foot.
DAD JOKES
My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.