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Comments

  • Escalators don't break down... they just turn into stairs.

  • I think this generation will have to go into separate rooms and text each other to work out their problems.

  • Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

  • When a woman says "what?" It's not because she didn't hear you. She's just giving you a chance to change what you said.

  • People who write "u" instead of "you". What do you do with all the time you save?

  • Pig says: My name is bacon. Chris P. Bacon.

  • WELCOME TO PAGE 533 - IT"S NOT A ROUND NUMBER !!!

  • Few women admit their age; few men act it.

  • I got caught in police speed trap yesterday. The officer walked up to my car and said "I've been waiting all day for you " Well I said. I got here as fast as I could

  • Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.

  • Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

  • My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

  • The reward for a job well done is more work.

  • Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them...

  • What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"

  • I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..

  • My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five.

  • Don't be irreplaceable - if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.

  • A man was found guilty of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.

  • Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

  • Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

  • What do you call a dictionary on drugs? HIGH-Definition.

  • Your life doesn't get better by chance. It gets better by choice.

  • What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

  • You can make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water.

  • I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

  • With great power comes a great electricity bill. Watt a powerfull message.

  • Why couldn't the bike stand up on it's own? It was two tired.

  • Introducing myself to new boyfriends parents: "Hi, I usually don't make it this far."

  • To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

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