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Sleep is my drug….my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
WELCOME TO PAGE 531 - THE FRANK TAKES A BREAK PAGE, NO REALLY !!!
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day.
John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln’s son.
Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine are brother and sister.
Chocolate can kill dogs; it directly affects their heart and nervous system.
My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don't want to go.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married and live together so I'd have to see them every day.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.
I'm not sure if I lost my camo pants or if they're just doing a really good job.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot
One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
Take my advice — I'm not using it.
My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
When I found out that my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
He is so old that he gets nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Nurse: "We need a stool sample and a urine sample."
Man to wife: "What did she say?"
Wife to husband: "They want your underwear.
A friend is like a book: you don't need to read all of them, just pick the best ones.
If at first you don't succeed, we have a lot in common.
Women should not have children after 35. Really ... 35 children are enough.
My best mates and I played a game of hiding and seek. It went on for hours... Well, good friends are hard to find.