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People just like to argue. People: "No we don't."
I am busy contemplating my future. Don't worry, this will only take a minute.
WELCOME TO PAGE 804 - WE JUST KEEP ROLLING ON !!!
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Did you hear the story about the giraffe? Forget it its too long.
How much did the butcher charge for his venison? A buck!
I used to date a girl that reported the weather. We had a very stormy relationship.
I'm in a long distance relationship, her restraining order ends tomorrow.
Why was Cinderella such a bad field hockey player? Her coach was a pumpkin.
It was a bleak day when we heard about the explosion down at the animal shelter... It was raining cats and dogs!
26.8 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Why did the turkey play drums in his band? Because he already had drumsticks!
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!
Where were you i have been waiting for half an hour. Said No Girl Ever.
What is a vampires favourite type of ship? A blood vessel.
Do it tomorrow. You have made enough mistakes for today.
I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE"?
What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics? A basket case!
I am now on three dating sites because you can never get enough rejection.
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium then you curium and you barium.
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!
I used to do magic in a Chinese restaurant only problem is an hour later everyone wanted to see it again!
You look like a person that would exchange one of your chromosomes for a Big Mac.
What do call an Irishman sitting by the pool? Paddy O'Furniture.
How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.