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I went to buy a new mattress the other day. I wasn't sure about it, so the salesman told me to go away and sleep on it.
WELCOME TO PAGE 841 - THE PAGE OF BAD JOKES & PUNS !!
One-seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.
Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese!
Iron Man is a very confusing character. I know he's a guy but he could have been Fe Male.
My friend's in prison for flashing; he says he can't bare it anymore.
I got fired from Yankee candle factory because I refused to work wick ends!
I'll only go to elementary school reunions because those people didn't start to hate me until we were in high school.
Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!
I've been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?
It's funny how one person can make you never trust anybody...
I'm sure there's a supplement I could take or another easy solution to cure my laziness. Someone look into it for me.
Sorry I'm late! I was at home sitting down.
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ...so I said "Implants?"
The last chapter of every book should just be all the characters acting completely terrified because their world is about to end.
The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons you're sick of him.
Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? They're trying not to attract any more undue blame then they already have.
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
I could make jokes about fences, but they are offencive.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Duck tape fixes everything... Except relationships because she won't let you put it over her mouth.
You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly.
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will use twice a year...