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I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches.
WELCOME TO PAGE 837 - THE RETURN OF FRANK !!!
Relationship Status: I'm a Rubik's Cube. Now try and figure me out.
You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
I would tell you a joke about my shoe but I think I shoedn't.
I like using misdirection in my jokes, or do I?
I can't jump over a cow, but you should check out my calves.
Pork and Leek... great flavor for sausages... lousy brand name for condoms.
I am the reason Santa even has a naughty list.
Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.
I was going to be an optometrist, but couldn't see things clearly.
Till now my life was a mystery now I am going to make it a history.
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
I dont care or think about the people in my past... there is some reason why they didn't make it to my future!
Which came first? The birth, or parental disappointment?
My doctor wants to have me tested for lupus which is ridiculous, as I've never even seen a werewolf.
What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner? "Shall we prey!"
All the people who had candy stolen from them as babies are now the adults buying girl scout cookies outside dispensaries.
I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends because he was so clothes minded!
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
I once dated a woman who uses a nightlight. What a turn off.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals.
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who Cares?
It's not love until you don't want them to have a good time without you.
If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? Prankenstein!