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If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
Hitting birds is illegal and you get a big fine, I learned this when I kicked a pelican... I ended up footing a massive bill.
Why is a tennis game a noisy game? Because each player raises a racket.
WELCOME TO PAGE 757 - THE PAGE THAT FRANK BUILT !!!
The problem with being in the center of attention is that half of it is always behind your back.
Legends don't die... I am a living example!
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
If I get interviewed by a police sketch artists, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I'm making him draw a pirate.
What did the lacrosse stick say to the ball? "Catch ya later!"
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Well son, in the '90s, there was no drooling emoji. You had to show up at a girl's door and actually drool.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with!
I met my soulmate. She didn't.
Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
The word 'possesses', possesses so many s's, that any one can't assess it without knowing 's', I guess !
Nobody is interested in your sorrow, unless you can make a joke or a poem out of it.
How did two oceans or seas become friends? Because they kept waving at each other.
What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
How does a cup steal from you? He mugs you.
I started wearing skinny jeans because they're fashionable and I was tired of my wife respecting me as a man.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
Why shouldn't you make fun of a paleontologist? Because you will get Jurasskicked.
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles.
When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
The other day I was singing in the shower, and I got soap in my mouth. Guess what happened then? It became a soap opera.
Age is important only if you're cheese and wine.