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I used to be in a band, we were called 'lost dog'. You probably saw our posters.
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
WELCOME TO PAGE 648 -- TWO MORE TO GO TO 650 !!!
The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.
Not saying I live in a rough area but just bought an advent calendar and half the windows are boarded up!
You have the nicest syntax I've ever seen.
How to lose an argument with a woman: 1) Argue.
My girlfriend asked me to pass her the Chapstick and I accidentally passed her the Glue Stick! She still hasn't talked to me!
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.
Done with the setup. Below you will find the full yabs for the France VPS.
I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.
Anyone who says "good morning" on a Monday is a sociopath.
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces here tonight.
True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable
The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees" so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.
My nephew found a cassette tape in my house. It was like watching early man discovered fire.
The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest.
Women marry because they believe that he will change one day. Men marry because they believe she'll never change. Both are mistaken.
Finland has just closed it borders... so now nobody can cross the Finnish line.
I have a dog to provide me with unconditional love but I also have a cat to remind me that I don't deserve it. It's all about balance.
I like to hold hands at the movies... which always seems to startle strangers.
My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.
Loneliness is when a person always knows where all of his things are.
Just got a job as senior director at Old McDonald's Farm. I'm the CIEIO.
I just hired a private investigator to find out what I do all day.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.