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I'm not a doctor but I know adding cheese to anything makes it an antidepressant.
WELCOME TO PAGE 645 - THE SILLINESS CONTINUES !!!
Adams girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of his motorcycle. He just rode on. Ruthless
My wife left me because I'm insecure. No wait she's back. She just went to get coffee.
How do you know if someone is hitchhiking or just complimenting your driving?
Had too much wine last night. Have no idea how I got home from the sofa.
My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
I bet you $4,567.89 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.
I'm pretending to be a hot girl on tinder so I can match with my roomate and tell him Im coming over so he'll clean the apartment.
Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!
It is very easy to become a superman, you just have to change the sequence of clothes while wearing.
Teacher: "Are you sleeping in my class?"
Student: "Well now I´m not but if you could be a little quieter I could."
Failure is not an option—it comes bundled with the software.
My wife was furious at me for kicking dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.
Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $7.30 in change.
Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing. It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"
I tried to catch some fog, I mist.
To be frank, I would not have to change my name.
What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.
You give me Epsilon, I give you Delta. Together, we find limits.
My grandma always said "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
Last week my Doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Password looks at itself in the mirror:
"Don't listen to Google. You are a strong, confident password."