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DAD JOKES
Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.
DAD JOKES
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
DAD JOKES
In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble.
DAD JOKES
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
DAD JOKES
In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.
DAD JOKES
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The bushes.
DAD JOKES
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
DAD JOKES
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
DAD JOKES
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Good to know, when did you purchase it?
DAD JOKES
Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
DAD JOKES
This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
Bruce Lee was so fast that they had to slow the film down so you could see his moves.
DAD JOKES
It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.
The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”.
DAD JOKES
I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
IBM’s motto is “Think”. Apple later made their motto “Think different”.
DAD JOKES
How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
One in fourteen women in America is a natural blonde. Only one in sixteen men is.
DAD JOKES
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this
DAD JOKES
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.
DAD JOKES
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
DAD JOKES
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
DAD JOKES
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
DAD JOKES
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
DAD JOKES
I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.
DAD JOKES
If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.
DAD JOKES
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.
DAD JOKES
If a pig loses its voice…does it become disgruntled?