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FUNNY JOKES
What's Santa's favorite song by the Ramones? Blitzen-krieg Bop.
FUNNY JOKES
I can’t get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.
FUNNY JOKES
What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? Santapplause!
FUNNY JOKES
How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
FUNNY JOKES
What do you say to Santa when he's taking attendance at school? Present.
FUNNY JOKES
Did you know that Santa’s not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
FUNNY JOKES
What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance? A dependent Claus.
FUNNY JOKES
Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
FUNNY JOKES
Why are Comet, Cupid, and Donner, and always wet? Because they are rain deer.
FUNNY JOKES
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues!
FUNNY JOKES
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
FUNNY JOKES
I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So I bought her nothing.
FUNNY JOKES
Why does St. Nick like the Temptations’ version of Silent Night best? Because Santa Was A Rolling Stone.
FUNNY JOKES
What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? St. O’Claus!
FUNNY JOKES
When Santa is on the beach what do the elves call him? Sandy Claus
FUNNY JOKES
The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
FUNNY JOKES
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Crisp Kringle.
FUNNY JOKES
What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
FUNNY JOKES
What’s the most popular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful.
FUNNY JOKES
What’s as big as Santa but weighs nothing? Santa’s shadow!
FUNNY JOKES
Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed!
FUNNY JOKES
How do you scare a snowman? Grab a hairdryer!
FUNNY JOKES
Why does Santa have elves in his workshop? Because the Seven Dwarfs were busy!
FUNNY JOKES
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
FUNNY JOKES
What do a train set and boobs have in common? They were both made for kids but dads can't help playing with them.
FUNNY JOKES
What do three ho's get you? One very jolly Santa.
FUNNY JOKES
What’s the difference between a Christmas tree and a man? A Christmas tree will stay up for 12 nights, has cute balls and looks good with the lights on.
FUNNY JOKES
Is your name Jingle Bells? Cause you look ready to go all the way.
FUNNY JOKES
Have you heard about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer? He can run as fast as Rudolph, he just can’t stop as fast.
FUNNY JOKES
Why did Santa divorce Mrs. Claus? He refused to let go of all those irritating ho’s.