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QUOTES
“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
—Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld
QUOTES
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
—Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office
QUOTES
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
—Anonymous
“Strategic incompetence” is the art of avoiding certain tasks by pretending you don’t know how to do them.
A 23-sided shape is called an Icosakaitrigon.
Turkeys aren’t just for Christmas. June is National Turkey Lover’s Month.
When Pablo Picasso died in 1973, he was the richest artist in history.
QUOTES
“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”
—Rodney Dangerfield
QUOTES
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”
—Les Dawson
QUOTES
“There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”
—Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus
You should have no worries about me overtaking you. Keep up the fine work and that laptop is all yours.
You definitely deserve it.
QUOTES
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
—Steven Wright
QUOTES
Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”
Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley”
—Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!
QUOTES
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
―Mindy Kaling,Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
QUOTES
“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
—Joan Rivers
QUOTES
“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”
—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear
The inventor of Vaseline, Robert Chesebrough, ate a spoonful of the stuff every single day.
“Led Zeppelin” originally wanted to be called “Lead Zeppelin,” but they felt that “thick Americans” would pronounce the word wrong.
The serial number on Darth Vader’s suit of armor was E-3778Q-1.
More than 45 million turkeys are cooked and eaten in the U.S. at Thanksgiving.
QUOTES
“My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”
—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy
QUOTES
“I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”
—Jimmy Kimmel
QUOTES
“Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”
—Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up
QUOTES
“Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.”
—Lessons from the Minivan
Liège, Belgium, tried to use 37 cats to deliver mail in the 1870s. Most of the cats took up to a day to deliver the mail, and the service was short-lived.
A female’s heart is smaller than a male’s by about 25%. Because of this, the female heart has to beat around six times more than the male heart to pump the correct amount of blood around the body.
In 1325, two Italian city states fought over a bucket, which resulted in 2,000 deaths. It started when two soldiers stole a bucket from a well in the city center.
QUOTES
“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.”
—Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory
QUOTES
“There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”
—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club
QUOTES
Usher: “Bride or groom?”
Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”
—Four Weddings and a Funeral