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What's the best thing about being a meth addict? Only one sleep till Christmas.
WELCOME TO PAGE 981 !!
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
You cannot eat me unless you spread me. -Butter
It's better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
What's the difference between men and women going to the same holiday destination? Women go to phuket men go to fuket.
Just found out an acquaintance is a drug dealer, would never have guessed, seems like a nice, funny guy. He always cracked me up.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Come to my 127.0.0.1 and I'll give you sudo access.
I don't need a reason to enjoy a little wine. I just need a glass.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn't where I left it.
Sometimes I shoot off at the mouth but I have turrets syndrome
Oh good, an email from every single store or website I've ever bought something from.
Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.
I used some magic to make some fog laugh. It was mist tickle.
It's been proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop tits around the age of 13, boys around the age of 40.
Two cows in a field. Which one is on holiday? The one with the week cave.
September 3rd is International Bacon Day.
The same brain cycles that occur when asleep, still happen when you’re awake, but in smaller sections. Meaning that parts of your brain are always “falling asleep.”
One in every four cranes in the entire world is in Dubai.
The Lion King was originally called “King of the Jungle” before they realized that lions don’t actually live in jungles.
If you see me with a water bottle, there's probably vodka in it
Couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom.
"I would like my pizza to be 1/3 Hawaiian, 1/3 meat-lovers, and 1/3 vegeterian," ...said the zombie.
What medical condition does a person have if the shoot all the bullets out the mag, then tries to shoot the enemy and forgets he shoot all the bullets. Ammoneisa.
In principle, I can stop drinking, the thing is – I don't have such a principle.
If there was an award for the least effective way to clean things, I would sweep the table.
Several African countries don’t like second-hand clothes being imported to their countries because it is destroying their local textile industry.
Pure cocoa can help prevent tooth decay. Naturally occurring chemicals in cocoa beans fight harmful bacteria in the mouth.
Welcome to our "ool", notice there is no "P" in it, let's keep it that way.