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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
WELCOME TO PAGE 876 - IT'S LATE SUNDAY MORNING HERE & WE"RE STILL GOING !!!
The video from the ring infects people with airborne pathogens. The video went viral.
The plumber told me a hole boring story about pipes.
Hahahhaha yes, hope spamming is allowed on this thread?
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
In order to protest the high tariffs enforced by a U.K. censorship board, a filmmaker sent in a 10-hour “movie” of white paint drying. They had to watch the entire film.
Me in my 20's: "Dresses like I'm on the catwalk."
Me in my 30's: "dresses like I walk cats."
I could never figure out why I was never any good at math!
New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Why can't blind people eat fish? Because it's sea food.
Norway has a 25-year statute of limitation on murder. This means if the murder happened more than 25 years ago, they cannot be charged.
Nope.
What's red and white, red and white, red and white? Sant rolling off your roof.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
My wife is not buying that autocorrect changed "You're psychic" to "You're psycho."
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
NASA is sending traditionalist Christians to the red planet... Amish on to Mars.
If I survived a plane crash in the wilderness, my biggest concern would be how much my airport parking bill would be.
What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer? A hot dog!
There is a company in the U.K. that offers “being hungover” as a valid reason for calling off work. They are allotted four hungover days per year.
If money did grow on trees, autumn would be the best season ever!
don't regret doing things, regret getting caught
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. It's seven.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Regular rocks are too heavy.
It’s not just humans who are right or left-handed. Most female cats prefer using their right paw, and males are more likely to be left-pawed.
Over 290 people have died climbing Mount Everest since 1922. Most deaths occur because of avalanches, and not all bodies have been recovered.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.