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Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run!
Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
WELCOME TO PAGE 808 - SUCH A COOL NUMBER !!!
I always cry at weddings, especially my own.
See that shadow on the wall? It's brighter than your future.
What did Spartacus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife? Nothing, he's gladiator.
The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live.
I will have enough money for the rest of my life. Of course, if I don't buy and eat anything.
Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building. It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.
What do you call a very small valentine? A valentiny.
A life in politics is full of parties.
How do we not know what women want yet? There are tons of conflicting lists all over the internet.
When you're wondering whether she's his daughter or his girlfriend, she's his girlfriend.
Darling, what are you thinking about right now? If I would want you to know, I would say it not think about it.
Maybe adults aren't afraid of monsters under the bed anymore because we know that if we get eaten by one we won't have to go to work the next day.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
Coldplay is like depression you can hear.
Glad I'm not a general, because auto-correct just changed "lunch order" to "launch order."
Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.
My dad used to tell me "always leave them wanting more", which is probably why he lost his job in disaster relief.
Don't join the new TESCO dating service, my mate did and he ended up with a bag for life.
I have a lot in common with my Velcro wallet. We're both simple and great at holding everything in.
A man to a woman," Did you see my watch? I was so busy that I didn't have time to find it."
My family always celebrates Thanksgiving with a fast. The faster we eat, the more food we get.
hello page 807, hello @FrankZ
We need to look at how the world really works, not just accept the way we are told it works.
oopppps page 808
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?