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Where do sick boats go to get healthy? To the dock!
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
WELCOME TO PAGE 761 - HERE WE GO AGAIN !!!
wonder why there are locks on the doors of Seven-Eleven when it says they are open 24/7.
Live every day like it was the last day, and one day you won't miss.
Mostly men lie before the elections, sex and after fishing.
You gotta feel for kids today, growing up in a world where all the good screen names are already taken.
Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? He couldn't afford plane fare.
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Since my girlfriend discovered out the eyeroll and tongue sticking emojis she doesn't have to type words anymore.
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
I may not be the brightest nail in the bucket, but at least I have a point.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Now that I'm older, I realize that my imaginary friend was really nothing more than an imaginary acquaintance.
If we put aside our differences and work together, I truly believe we can come up with a few more alternate spellings of the name Britney.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a loser.
"What's wrong with my computer?"
"It looks like your hard drive went soft."
Never hypothetically ask yourself if the person in front of you can go any slower, because the answer is yes.
What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th? I only have eyes for ewe, dear
Like a flat tire.......how I'm rolling this morning.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.