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I could be a morning person. If morning started around noon.
I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words… "Were you fired?"
FYI You broke both the daily record, and the total post count for this type of thread yesterday. So first, let me congratulate you on a job very well done. Second, yes you probably deserve the day off.
WELCOME TO PAGE 750 - WE MADE IT BEFORE 23:59 UTC (by 23 minutes) !!
You don't work – you don't have money to live, you work – there's no time to live.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!
I don't care how funny you are, if I don't like you, I won't laugh.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
My boss just said to me "You've been late five days this week... Do you know what that means?" I certainly do - it's FRIDAY!
Why did the scarecrow win the competition? He was 'outstanding' in his field!
Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic.
Thank you, Frank. The thread has served multiple purposes for me - met a few great people, learned new stuff, helped me keep my mind off all the shit life is putting me through. So, I am happy to be on here.
My favorite part of grocery shopping is rushing home to look at the shopping list on my counter to see what I forgot to buy.
Just had a date with a woman who welds for a living and oh my, were the sparks flying.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
I have the Emergency Alert Warning sound set as the ringtone for when my wife calls.
Where did the spaghetti and the sauce go dancing? The meatball!
You can tell a girl likes you if she stares at your phone instead of her own.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy." Then I sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
How do we know the earth isn't flat? If it were flat, cats would have already pushed everything off of it.
I threw a boomerang many years ago. I now live in constant fear.
50 more pages and we are at 800 and with that, we would overtake the BF trhead.
Went to quite a few stores to find the best prices for herbs... I think it was thyme well spent.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.