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How do trees access their email? They log in.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything.
Which program do Jedi use to sign their files? Adobe Sign Kenobi.
What is the best way to criticize your boss? Very quietly, so she cannot hear you.
“You will be fine,' the fortune teller says. 'There may be decisions to make and surprises in store. Life takes us to unexpected places sometimes. The future is never set in stone, remember that.”
― Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus
WELCOME TO PAGE 138 - THE PAGE OF THE BAD JOKES !!!
Our computers went down at the office today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me 15 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
How do folks at NASA organize a party? They planet.
Why don’t comedians tell unemployment jokes? None of them work.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo drizzle.
How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None—that’s a hardware issue.
A salesperson came into an office one day and said, “This computer will cut your workload by 50%!” The office manager replied, “Great, I’ll take two of them!”
What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays? Unemployed.
What do you call 12 people doing the work of one? A committee.
Why didn’t the Terminator upgrade to Windows 10? I asked him and he said, “I still love Vista, baby.”
To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
What kind of award does the world’s top dentist get? A little plaque.
To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.
If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
Have you heard about the guy who stole the calendar? He got 12 months!
“Love someone because their soul inspires you, not because you’re interested in the relief from loneliness and companionship they can provide. Anybody can do that. Not just anybody can show you to yourself.”
― Brianna Wiest
“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realise they were the big things.”
― Robert Brault
“Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are, and what they ought to be.”
― William Hazlitt
Why does the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he’s afraid he might get a hole in one.
I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!
Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? Because of all the sand which is there.
Two antennas decided to get married. The ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was great!