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OFFICIAL B-L-A-C-K-F-R-I-D-A-Y THREAD -- COMMUNITY ENDORSED! Take a peek! (RackNerd's Black Friday)
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A joke from stupidstuff
Q:how can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? A:her tampon is on her ear and she cant find her pen!
A joke from stupidstuff
One day two blondes each bought a pig. The problem they were having was telling the two pigs apart. So, the first blonde had an idea: She said, "I'll cut my pig's tail off, then we will know the difference." So she cut her pig's tail off. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's tail off. The next morning the blonde had a solution, she said,"I'll just cut my pig's right back leg off." So, she did. That night same thing; the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right back leg off. The next morning the blondes were real upset and finally decided to cut the back left leg from the pig, so she did. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's back left leg off. The next morning the blondes were really upset and didn't know how they were going to tell their pigs apart. So, one of them stated, "I will cut my pig's right front leg off. Then we can tell our pigs apart." So, she did. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right front leg off. The blondes were really upset and decided the only logical explanation would be to cut the remaining leg off one pig. So, they did. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's only leg off. The next morning when the blondes awoke they were devastated. Finally, the other blonde spoke up and said, "How about you take the white one and I'll take the black one."
A joke from stupidstuff
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time. ''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''
A joke from stupidstuff
Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the endof the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer. "Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said. Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was the answer. "Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did four?" "Yes," replied the leader of the blonde group, "But go look at how much they left sticking out of the ground."
A joke from stupidstuff
Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildlyswinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.As a group they decided that one of the party should let go.If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she wouldsacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.All the blondes applauded.
A joke from stupidstuff
A brunette woman goes into the dr.'s office. She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body." He says: "point to where it hurts". She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!". She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!". Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!". The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?" She says: "yes, how did you know"? He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!".
A joke from stupidstuff
A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do.
The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.
The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard. Grip the club gently as you would your husband's privates.".
The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.
The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only this time take the club out of your mouth."
A joke from stupidstuff
There were two blondes going hunting. It was getting late so one of theblondes said to the other that she heard if you ever get lost in the woods to shoot three shots into the air. So she did. A few hours wentby and so she fired three more shots in the air. A few more hours wentby and they fired three more shots in the air. Then one of the blondessaid someone better hurry up and save us...we only have two more arrowsleft.
A joke from stupidstuff
she was so blonde she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
A joke from stupidstuff
Blonde Cook Book: MONDAY:It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake.The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighborswere nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY:Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe saidserve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What asurprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY:A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughlybefore steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly butI took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY:Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed oflettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led upto Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY:I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put allingredients in bowl and beat it. There must havebeen something wrong with this recipe. When I got back,everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY:Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For somereason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY:Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast.All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flashof genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set thecontrols for roast. It still came out hamburger, muchto my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.This has been a very exciting week. I am eager fortomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob.If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like tosurprise him with Chocolate Moose.
A joke from stupidstuff
1. The water proof towel2. Solar powered flash light3. Sumberrine screen door4. A book on how to read5. Inflatable dart board6. A dictionary index7. Ejector seat in a helicopter8. Powdered water9. Pedel powered wheel chair10. Water proof tea bags
Only 8 1/2 pages to go. Keep up the good work @sonu.
A joke from stupidstuff
A Blonde was driving down the highway and she cuts off a Truck. The Driver motions for the Blonde to pull over. The blonde pulls over and the truck driver draws a circle on the road next to the car. He says "Don't leave this circle" and cuts her tires. He comes back and the Blonde is giggling. He says"Oh you think thats funny!" and rips her convertable top. He comes back and the blonde is laughing. The driver gets mad and lights her car on fire. The driver comes back and the blonde is rolling on the floor laughing. He asks " What is so funny!" She says "I stepped out of the circle 9 times!"
Words of wisdom spam...
New Year's resolutions work like this: you think of something you enjoy doing and then resolve to stop doing it.
A joke from stupidstuff
A Blonde and a Burnette are watching the news at 6. It is live on the scene. It has been reported that a old homeless man is on top of a large bridge and swears that he will jump off the bridge. The Burnette turns around and says to the Blonde" I bet you $50 that he will jump. Th blonde says" You're on. Sure enough the old man jumps and falls to his death. The Burnette snickers to herself and says"I must admit I did watch the news at 5. The blonde says So did I but, I did'nt think he would jump twice!!
Words of wisdom spam...
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
A joke from stupidstuff
There are three blondes playing Jeopardy. The announcer says, "This is the final question. How many "D's" are in Jeopardy?" The first blond says "1." The announcer goes to number two and she says "1000." "I'm not even going to ask," the announcer said. He goes up to the third blonde and she says "33" "How did you get 33?" he asks. The blond starts singing to herself, "Dun Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun..."
Words of wisdom spam...
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
Words of wisdom spam...
Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from his neck saying, Make Me Feel Important! Never forget this when working with people.
A joke from stupidstuff
There was a blonde sitting on a plane in first class seats with an economy class ticket. The flight attendant asked to check her ticket.'Excuse me' she said 'you only have an economy class ticket but you are sitting in first class. Could you please move to your allocated seat.'The blonde was very stubborn and said 'Im blonde and beautiful and I'm going to New York.'So the flight attendant went to another flight attendant and told her the problem. Her answer was the same.'Im blonde and beautiful and Im going to new york.'This went on throught 4 other flight attendants.Finally they went to the captain and told him the problem.He said 'I can handle this' and went to talk to her.Hw whispered something in her ear and she got up and ran to economy class.All the flight attendatns were shocked and they asked him how he did it.He said 'I told her first class wasn't going to New York.'
A joke from stupidstuff
A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head all go hunting together. Then they decide to all go their separate ways. When they all come back, the brunette had shot a rabbit. The other 2 ask "How'd you do that?"She says: "Well, I followed some tracks,and BOOM, I got a rabbit." The red-head had came back with a deer. The blond & brunette ask "How'd you do that?" She says:"Well, I follwed some tracks and BOOM, I got a deer." The blonde comes back all beat up and bloody, without any game. They ask "HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!?" And she says: "Well I followed some tracks, and BOOM, I got hit by a train"THE END
I've never bought into that "Life is short" thing. If you pack enough into it life seems quite long.
A joke from stupidstuff
A blonde wearing headphones walks into a store and on the window it said 'No Headphones' so the clerk says, "I'm afraid I'll have to make you take off those headphones."The blonde paid no attention to the clerk, so he said louder "If you don't take off those headphones I will!".The blonde still paid no attention, so the clerk yanked the headphones off of her.Then she fainted all of a sudden.The clerk put on the headphones to see what she was listening to.All he heard was "Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!"
Words of wisdom spam...
Yoga is the fountain of youth. You're only as young as your spine is flexible.
A joke from stupidstuff
A blonde walking by the river came across another blonde directly across from her. The first blonde waved to the other and said "hey, how do i get to the other side"? The other blonde answered "You're already on the other side".
Words of wisdom spam...
It is too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
Words of wisdom spam...
You need to be comfortable with you. Stop worrying about the couple in the corner who may or may not be looking at you funny.
A joke from stupidstuff
A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife
something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he
decides to buy her a cellphone.
She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and
explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day
the blonde goes shopping.
Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how
do you like your new phone?"
She replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is
clear as a bell! But there's one thing I don't understand
though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
A joke from stupidstuff
What do u call a blonde with 1brain cell? GIFTED!What do u call a blonde with 2brain cells? PREGNANT!What do u call a blonde with 3brain cells? A GOLDEN RETRIEVER!
A joke from stupidstuff
There's this blonde who goes into an electronics shop, and asks the bloke in there if she can buy this TV. But the bloke says Sorry, we dont serve blondes. So she goes away, dyes her hair brown, and goes back. Sorry, we dont serve blondes, the bloke says.So she goes back and dyes her hair ginger, but he still tells her they dont serve blondes.Sooooo, she goes back yet again, but dyes her hair black. Again, she asks if she can buy the TV, but yet again, she cant get served.Look, she says, how can you tell i'm a blonde, even tho i've dyed my hair???Soory lady, thats a microwave!!!!