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It seems your skills aren't 1337 enough to manage a mailing server on your own.
I'd recommend that you drop the notion of managing such a critical service, and instead opt for something like Google Apps for Work, if you value uptime and mail deliverability, not to mention resilience towards things such as DDoS etc.
I'd also recommend MXRoute @jarland . But, I'd pray that you don't get provisioned on my node, and attract skiddies and booters.
Cheaper to get a 128mb VPS, lool about the node
Shoot for at least a 256MB VM if not running amavis or clamav and other resource hungry daemons.
Otherwise at least a 1 GB VM would be needed.
Edit: The above assumes postfix and dovecot are being used.
I'm so tired of third party solutions, I just wrote my own full flown mail server in nodejs. It is running in production (for my own domains at least) for like 2 months now, I like it.
Apart from the "cool effect" and good a educational lesson, I can't see what advantage an immature and likely insecure system has over something like postfix+dovecot.
Disclaimer: if I were to run it for my own personal pleasure, it is a-ok. I enjoy the ability to customize and do all kind of cool stuff that I cannot necessary do with Google Apps/Postfix+dovecot. If you are running a billion-dollar enterprise, then sure, you have your reasons and solutions. But again, in my case, "for my own domains", this "immature and likely insecure system" is serving me well.
Interesting. Could you give some examples of said "cool stuff" that postfix+dovecot can't be customized to do?
For starters,
1) I want to put my mail content to RethinkDB, and my attachments to S3
2) I can write my Bayesian with this to filter SPAM
3) I can write my own push notification implementation, Google GCM, pushbullets, etc.
4) I have total control of the mail system's behavior, instead of some pre-defined behavior.
Postfix and dovecot are heavy, like really heavy. Though granted, my implementation of the system is heavy too (nodejs), but customization is the key to success.
Mind you, 5 years ago, I was crazy enough to write an authoritative DNS system in PHP.
"crazy" is one word for it!
This said, not having such skills at hand myself, I must admit I'm a bit jealous of such mad men, doing crazy stuff like that offhand 
Ugh, I find managing my own mailservers such an unnecessary waste of time and energy. Especially considering how cheap third party mail solutions are. In my experience, all my domains with email needs were either:
a.) big enough/earning enough that paying for email was a trivial expense; or
b.) small and non-critical enough that a free email host like Zoho was sufficient.
Don't get me wrong, I completely understand why some people want to roll their own. Everyone has their own quirks like that; we're defined by the tasks that we seek out unnecessarily, for the simple reason that we're enjoy them or are curious.
Bottom line: unless you enjoy this kind of thing, use 3rd-party email.
Personally, since I'm already managing a mini data center (two rackful of servers) for my own pleasure, I don't mind managing some additional overhead (read: mail server).
Totally disagree with the above.
Tell me you wrote your mail server just for the hell of it and you wanted a go at it, but don't tell me you wrote it because of the above.
I run a postfix+dovecot mail server on a 256MB VM with plenty of memory to spare and CPU usage is a non-factor.
"Heavy" as in configuration heavy
They are that.
Like everything else in life it just takes time to learn, but I get it!
Have you considered a public release of the mail server?
It came across my mind. If you are interested, you can criticize my immature work.
Please don't take it personally, I was making the point of a mature, well known software vs a personal project.
Thanks for the link!
I'll play with it on a spare VM and learn some node.js along the way...cool!
Source Code Not Yet Available (tm)
My bad, I didn't read through everything, just skimmed.
Anyways, if you ever decide to release it I'm sure those of us that like to tinker will welcome it.
I've done it, no worries. On a 128mb VPS with iRedMail.
@muj
For the benefit of the community, could you elaborate on what you did to fix the issue.
It might help someone at a later time.
I disabled Amavisd + ClamAV + SpamAssassin.
They are that… until you throw Virtualmin in, that is! Thanks to @mpkossen for opening my eyes to that solution in his LEB tutorial back in August'13
Best of both worlds: have CP and can tinker using command line. DB-less out of the box. Plus Virtualmin's CLI to automate everything! This said, writing your own MX sounds very cool nevertheless 
Speaking of the devil, here's a guide to set it up: https://jerry.im/essays/2016/04/setup-your-own-dermail/