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The three unwritten rules of life:
1.
2.
3.
Recently, I've tried to make a car without wheels.
I've been working on it tirelessly.
The possibilities are endless, but I just want the good ones.
WELCOME TO PAGE 958 !!!
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Patient: 0mg!
If the music's too loud you're too old.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her a fridge freezer. I know it's not much, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.
What's black and white and red all over? Santa covered with chimney soot.
I thought it was my birthday cake but it was just the shed on fire.
You look like the grinch with plastic surgery gone wrong!
I've snagged so many catfish on dating sites, I'm now a licensed fisherman.
I hate when I'm singing along to the Beastie Boys and they mess up the lyrics.
What do ghosts read? Booooks!
The next time you have company, serve them a bowl of shelled peanuts. After they've eaten a few handfuls, casually mention that you've never liked peanuts, but you love to suck the chocolate off of them.
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
The new french tank is pretty cool, it can go in 16 directions. 15 of which go backwards, 1 goes forwards in case the enemy comes from behind.
sorry , I didn't see your comment. Focus on the comments, hahahhaa
That looks like something I drew with my left hand.
If there's a hardship greater than putting cheese on a cracker and having it break before it gets into your mouth I've not heard of it.
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him? Get off me homes.
Why do volleyball player want to join the armed forces? For the chance to gain some experience in the service.
mouse is starting to feel uncomfortable after 4000 comments,
You need to carry women in your arms; they will climb on your back by themselves.
hahahahh
Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming hum
understandable. I normally burn through a mouse for every one of these contests
How about we do some peer-to-peer sharing? Your domain or mine?
When Sweden is playing Denmark, it is SWE-DEN. The remaining letters not used are DEN-MARK.
In our youth we were so pretention in our vision of lustful attractiveness, but with advancing age we can now appreciate one's beauty within, thank goodness, because now we are rightfully mirror shy.